the long haul

tone – (TOHN) noun, verb 1. a particular quality, way of sounding, modulation, or intonation of the voice as expressive of some meaning, feeling, spirit….

Meaning…feeling…spirit. So when you tell me that you miss me in the most delicate of ways and frankly say “what are we going to do about it”, I hear a tone that is similar to discussing the mundane issues of every day life. Not exactly bowling me over with romance, I say. well, unless the tone was different. If you said that very same thing as you pressed your body against mine and voiced it in breathless yearning. Then…THEN I would be compelled to answer.

When in conversation I misunderstand in a way that makes you repeat yourself it is not that I don’t know how you feel about the situation. It is the tone in which it is thrust at me that I find hurtful. just as it did when I came upstairs with an armful of laundry. was I the problem? i beg you to separate the tone of the situation and the tone in which you speak to me…. Words carry great power and it is the force in which they are wielded that cause the most harm…or healing.

I miss you in the most delicate of ways. What is the tone? Hard to say with the written word. I would say it is almost melancholy…it is somehow a memory of what was…a feeling I want so much to have again in real time rather than what I conjure in the still moments when I remember what it was like to lay with you. I busy myself with our daily life but I quietly yearn for what bound me to your heart. What is that for me? What is the meaning…feeling…spirit. I leave it to Jane Siberry to give you the tone…..

I love you





Sweet Incarnadine
-Jane Siberry

and when he came i fell into his deepest eyes
and begged the difference between love and open...

come on give your love to me
the first time i leaned over you and looked into your eyes
i said to myself this is what it must be like
to have everything you'd ever want
and a voice inside my head said...GO...I AM...

i give you everything
Kaikobad, Kaliere, Pehlevi and in-between
sweet sweet incarnadine
sweet sweet sweet incarnadine
come on let your love rain down on me again
when you said that it would feel like this
the love potion
the razor's edge
the open sesame of the kiss
i swear it was all i felt
i swear it was all i heard
and then we began to pray
bless this union, make us whole,
give me strength to let him go,
give us fire and give us flow
to always love like this

the never idle pressing
silent confessing
the endless versions of the lonely heart

when we love like we love
and we want like we want
and then we cry like a child
never like this
never like this
never like this


and when he came i fell into his deepest eyes
and begged the difference between love and open...